Dreams - May 30th - maybe not for work
naked, standing on her knees, lips slightly parted, she called to me from the other bed.
Are you a little shy?
Of course, I respond,
I have a pillow covering my nakedness.
her girlfriend looks up at me, she is naked as well and laying on her belly,
but we are all doing it.
I hadn't noticed the others. and she laughs a little. I notice the others.
Look at how they do it differently, the women caressing each other, the men already in rutt, and the mixed couples and groups, well, they are somewhere inbetween.
and her girlfriend laughs a little.
Don't you think it a little unnatural that how we are socialized to act in public naturally transfers to how we act when we are trying to be totally natural? all the men fucking, even the ones getting fucked and all the women giving and receiving...caresses. and what do you want? no one talks about what you want. only what we want. only what he wants. tell me what you want.
you're right, no one talks about what we want, but it's not so different than what you want - it's probably just the same...as you want, but not as you do. you do the opposite of what you want and what you do. Exactly the opposite of those opposite things - probably right inbetween. and then give me the pillow.
she takes the pillow
if you are still shy, you can cover yourself with myself and we will only look into each others eyes and maybe want something...special.
she lays on top of me. her girlfriend is walking away - towards a bed with only sheets moving.
what do you want?
I only want to hold her and I feel a tightness rising, pulling(?), in my throat - I'm about to cry. I only want to hold her, hold her so that I'm not sure who's on top - only that my arms encircle her. I am on top and protecting her or on the bottom taking comfort in the curve of her neck and small of her back. We roll to our sides and she rolls her knees up so that they press against my stomach - not my belly, because I am thin in my dreams, but I notice this as well, this and my long hair - She is not pushing me away, but I still feel the sadness swelling in the throat. and ashamed, I am ashamed. her arms fold between her knees and she is fetal. and I want to bind her there, with my hands but I can tell I am being too rough, I'm about to start crying. and I am ashamed. I don't know why. But I have to make it up to her. I kiss her forehead. two fingers start at the base of her neck and follow the curve of her spine. lightly though, like my breath on her forehead. she shivers a little and my arm caressing her back tightens on her side to let her know that I am here. my body is here, not just my breath. my fingers follow her back, slip between her buttocks, but do not linger until they reach her clitoris. they slowly circle it, without touching it. sometimes brushing it, grazing it. I can sense the position breaking, her positon is breaking, she is starting to shiver. I kiss her forehead, her eyelids,the tip of her nose, her lips. but not parting her lips, just lightly brushing them, hoping my breath might part her lips.
I don't feel like crying, I am not ashamed, but i am not...alive. I've become mechanical. I can't say this is not what I want because I don't want anything for myself, except for her to feel good to feel loved. Her position breaks and I feel a moist heat like a puff from where her arms and thighs pressed against her stomach and breasts. and I can smell her, like a cake baking in a cold kitchen - air sweet and heavy with moisture. she feels all the things I want her to feel, my body feels her every moment and I lose my tenuous hold with time, or rather, sequence. hands pinning her arms behind her back, hand binding hers above her head, two pairs of arms spread wide to our sides. all happening at once and over and over again. I have penetrated her, haven't I? Some time I did, didn't I? yes, my hands say yes, but she is holding my hands behind my back. and once again I am just holding her. she is happy and i don't hant to, but I know what I want, I want to hold her. and I am. and she lets me. and even though I am sleeping, we fall asleep.
Are you a little shy?
Of course, I respond,
I have a pillow covering my nakedness.
her girlfriend looks up at me, she is naked as well and laying on her belly,
but we are all doing it.
I hadn't noticed the others. and she laughs a little. I notice the others.
Look at how they do it differently, the women caressing each other, the men already in rutt, and the mixed couples and groups, well, they are somewhere inbetween.
and her girlfriend laughs a little.
Don't you think it a little unnatural that how we are socialized to act in public naturally transfers to how we act when we are trying to be totally natural? all the men fucking, even the ones getting fucked and all the women giving and receiving...caresses. and what do you want? no one talks about what you want. only what we want. only what he wants. tell me what you want.
you're right, no one talks about what we want, but it's not so different than what you want - it's probably just the same...as you want, but not as you do. you do the opposite of what you want and what you do. Exactly the opposite of those opposite things - probably right inbetween. and then give me the pillow.
she takes the pillow
if you are still shy, you can cover yourself with myself and we will only look into each others eyes and maybe want something...special.
she lays on top of me. her girlfriend is walking away - towards a bed with only sheets moving.
what do you want?
I only want to hold her and I feel a tightness rising, pulling(?), in my throat - I'm about to cry. I only want to hold her, hold her so that I'm not sure who's on top - only that my arms encircle her. I am on top and protecting her or on the bottom taking comfort in the curve of her neck and small of her back. We roll to our sides and she rolls her knees up so that they press against my stomach - not my belly, because I am thin in my dreams, but I notice this as well, this and my long hair - She is not pushing me away, but I still feel the sadness swelling in the throat. and ashamed, I am ashamed. her arms fold between her knees and she is fetal. and I want to bind her there, with my hands but I can tell I am being too rough, I'm about to start crying. and I am ashamed. I don't know why. But I have to make it up to her. I kiss her forehead. two fingers start at the base of her neck and follow the curve of her spine. lightly though, like my breath on her forehead. she shivers a little and my arm caressing her back tightens on her side to let her know that I am here. my body is here, not just my breath. my fingers follow her back, slip between her buttocks, but do not linger until they reach her clitoris. they slowly circle it, without touching it. sometimes brushing it, grazing it. I can sense the position breaking, her positon is breaking, she is starting to shiver. I kiss her forehead, her eyelids,the tip of her nose, her lips. but not parting her lips, just lightly brushing them, hoping my breath might part her lips.
I don't feel like crying, I am not ashamed, but i am not...alive. I've become mechanical. I can't say this is not what I want because I don't want anything for myself, except for her to feel good to feel loved. Her position breaks and I feel a moist heat like a puff from where her arms and thighs pressed against her stomach and breasts. and I can smell her, like a cake baking in a cold kitchen - air sweet and heavy with moisture. she feels all the things I want her to feel, my body feels her every moment and I lose my tenuous hold with time, or rather, sequence. hands pinning her arms behind her back, hand binding hers above her head, two pairs of arms spread wide to our sides. all happening at once and over and over again. I have penetrated her, haven't I? Some time I did, didn't I? yes, my hands say yes, but she is holding my hands behind my back. and once again I am just holding her. she is happy and i don't hant to, but I know what I want, I want to hold her. and I am. and she lets me. and even though I am sleeping, we fall asleep.
posted by The DANGER(space)KITTY Effect at 11:54 PM
