Sometimes...

You find what you are looking for in places of frivolity. I check my horoscope everyday, click the option for a tarot card now and again, and read a short self-help style blurb on who I can be. I don't take much stock in it, but I do try to explore the posibilities that I'm offered.
So lately, my mantra has been "pleurer," which is said "plur-ray," mostly because of the anxiety I've been having and... the weather. I feel like I'm skating on thin ice over an ocean of dispair(How's that for mixing idioms?). And ipod (who has a mind of his own) has been playing to it with Concrete Blonde, the Smiths, Nina Simone, Placebo, and Jeff Buckley, but - of course - only the loneliest of tracks. And - of course - their sadness sings from the same place as mine or at least vibrates my core. So I sang along with ipod - opened all the windows, dropped the top, turned the heater to full blast, and drove until night fell. I stopped singing along and began harmonizing with love. "Love" high and thin - breaking - and in warm and low - comforting - drawn out for two minutes and short like panted breath.
And - in the end - I'm OK; I've found my stability again - I know who I am, what I'm made of and for, and what sustains me.
I woke up today happier than I've been in months.
And then, I check my daily Tarot on a whim...

"The Ace of Chalices card suggests that my power today lies in capturing the essence. My emotions are valid. I am beautiful and I deserve to pursue, share, and express unconditional love, pleasure, and happiness. I bring new love into the world. I am empowered by love and my gift is beauty in truth."