Death and waiting

another night surrounded by the dead
hopeless eyes have lost the spark of life
glazed over with the urge of sex
eyes tracking without thoughtful intent

I've been thinking about death a lot lately and I miss my friend Charley (not of the ninny variety). One night, looking me straight in the eyes and saying, "you've seen death - like, someone was alive and then next moment dead. It changes you - seeing a violent death." How did he know? What happened to these older gentlemen? Men who wanted to nurture (and yes... have fun with) younger men? I don't see that anymore. Just old guys who want to throw out straight morals; "just do it... who cares what your parents taught you..." Men who display their ...wares with no sense of propriety.
As sad as it sounds, I miss the men who lived their lives in secret, in fear, turning inwards to explore themselves, willing to finally sacrifice it all for love. The depth of their personalities was so fulfilling. And yes, I miss the men who have seen their best friends and comrades alive one moment and dead the next. It makes every conversation, every chance of a connection, precious.