dreams june 3rd

like an old roman bath
but not like they were when they were built
as they would be if they had been used for all the centuries
misused for many centuries
built for peope who were cleaner, smaller of stature and fit
natural
understanding that the sun feeds our bodies as does good food
understanding that conversations refresh our minds as does restful sleep
not for our modern monstrosities
too tall, too large, too built
muscle like bulges marbled with fat - not ever having really worked
eyes that loll weakly - never having to be sharp
bred for secondary sexual characteristics
peacocks that are beautiful until they speak
this is the place where I am now
I see the glory it once was
now it is a urinal
the natural springs that feed the hot baths have dried up
and the warm moist heat stings my eyes and my nose
whatcha got
whatcha got
whatcha got?
I have to pee not shy, but not forward
in the face of this
these
bodies pushing, not waiting, I'll wait my turn for some privacy
but they don't wait - pushing
just pee on your leg, pee on the wall
pee on the door, pee on my leg
how could this (these) excite me?
I've seen them all before, seen it all before
even exploring as far as I could, deep as I could
there is nothing here to excite me
maybe just for a moment
and I want it to
I want to give in
of course there is one other asian in the room
he looks at me like we are brothers - korean
we are not brothers - he may as well says he was senegal
and we were brothers
we couldn't be more different
yet you look to me like we are brothers
like I should be drawn to you
as you are drawn to me
the last two
paired because they are the last two
touching me is too much
please don't, politely
(confusion)
don't touch me
he ony expresses confusion
my turn in the stall
relief though cramped
my shoulders press against the walls
I can see easily over the sides
the door bangs against my back
modern monstrosity
still a little careful I proceed
begin to pee
don't look down, don't look to the side
privacy can be made by not offering inclusion
at least in my own perception
but it's safest to look down
I feel hands on my belly
kneading my belly
making me sick
woke up screaming because I dreamt the korean man was touching me